In this blog post, I wanted to try to summarise some of my experiences of becoming Christian for a year and mostly it looks at the period between January 2017 to December 2017 including many of the things and events that I experienced including ascension through the way of certain religious teachings.
I was now already into my seventh year of a long Kundalini awakening and things had already become so stressful living in my shared flat that I decided to move back in with my parents with the intention of recovering. I was doing a 10-week introduction counselling course and I began to explore the idea of becoming some sort of spiritual counsellor. I was inwardly struggling with strong inner impulses associated with anger and aggression connected to something unknown that appeared at odds with whom or what I thought I was. Prior to this year, I had been suffering from going through a number of spiritual psychosis episodes which ranged from hearing sinister voices, dream disturbances, instances of spiritual possession and seeing scary-looking black spirit energies that had left me feeling totally burned out. In contrast to this, during the same period, I also saw and interacted with Archangels like Michael, Raphael and Gabriel. Often this was in the form of strange but beautiful light entities and occasionally they would materialise a light body and walk through the room. I was going through Kundalini awakening, ego-death and quite a real dark night of the soul.
I decided to enrol onto something called an Alpha course at the same time with my brother and mother, lasting some weeks it introduced someone unfamiliar to Christianity into the Christian community lead by your local church congregation, each week we shared a hot dinner together and debated a few selected questions across the table and occasionally we also listened to someone speak about their own experiences. I can’t say that I can remember much from the course now, but I do remember being somewhat unimpressed by what I was hearing. However, the people were very welcoming and I appreciated not having to cook for myself. Eventually, I started attending the church nearest my brother’s home where I’d sometimes go and see my nephews perform in school plays. These Sunday morning sessions were mostly about singing and praising Jesus, certain people would occasionally speak about coming to terms with a drug or alcohol addiction and how through faith they had managed to transform themselves and turn their life around. The songs I actually enjoyed at first as it made me feel good to sing as I hadn’t done this for a long time, but before becoming unwell I used to play my guitar and try my hand at songwriting fairly frequently, however after just a few weeks of these services I found everything too repetitive for me and I soon decided to stop going.
Eventually, I began to appreciate what some of the underlying processes are that take place and so I began to delve deeply into Christian esotericism, philosophy, enlightenment and divine worship and ascension which is what a lot of my current writings are about, but this isn’t exclusive to Christianity. I began to do my best to pick apart what was true from many of the things which I had perhaps assumed to be true or even false and misleading based on what other people have said or shared in the past. Christian spirituality in the United Kingdom seems very much transfixed on the worship of Jesus and one of the main benefits being how one could seemingly be forgiven for their sins, and this sounds so simple, in fact, it was too simplistic for me and at times somewhat misleading. There is certainly truth in that Jesus Christ offers forgiveness as I wrote about this earlier Kundalini experience based on my brief encounter with him in 2013, but I did not immediately understand the significants of this encounter at the time and in fact mistook him for the Archangel Michael, but then later realised who it really was. The sort of forgiveness being offered isn’t really intended for minor transgressions, but seems to be reserved for more serious crimes or transgressions and it may include both acts committed in past lives in the form of karma as well as things our inner multi-dimensional self does, which is not something very many people understand or can appreciate and this aspect of our reality is veiled, we experience our physical life mostly, but we also have a totally separate inner life which is connected in some ways to what we do through thought, mind, energy and our intentions.
Despite being back home living with my parents things weren’t getting any better, they were actually now getting much worse, mainly bad things all seemed to happen at night, black apparitional spirits would come and surround my bed and some would psychically or telepathically transmit really lewd sexual imagery directly into my mind for my consciousness to witness, which would either make my energy surge or make me feel sick depending on what I was seeing. Something black and sickly managed to brush my aura on one occasion as I slept, whereas others would keep their distance and merely fly around me or within my room and one seemed to speak directly to my consciousness when it spoke that “There’s a fight for the Earth” between light and dark polarities. I had an extremely hard time sleeping and was suffering from insomnia, low energy, poor sleep hygiene and being constantly woken up to 4-5 times each night. I’d begun to spend a lot of money on forms of spiritual protection including crystals, holy objects, sage smudging, incense burning and essential oil mists in an effort to keep the energy in my room clear. The most significant item to me eventually turned out to be an Olive wood cross apparently made in Bethlehem bought over Amazon and a bronze statue of the Archangel Michael from a local craft centre. I started sleeping with the cross over me, mostly out of sheer desperation to get the negative spirits to stay away from me and it made me feel safer.
I already knew a lot about the phenomena of being spiritually unconscious and having low self-awareness through reading the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and this was something I had been waking up from ever since the age of 24, I knew about the importance of reaching higher consciousness and eventually how achieving a higher vibration was necessary in order to heal the ego. I was fighting to claim my own self-awareness away from mental identification with ego being deliberately manipulated through a series of psychic mental commands that seemed to exert a very strong influence over some of my choices and actions. Eckhart Tolle had quoted the line “Look at the flowers” attributed to Jesus and I did my best to really do this in an effort to get my awareness out of my head and keep my attention fixed on the external world and present moment to escape the pull of being inwardly pulled unconscious and becoming lost in the mind and psychological time.
I had been able to build up a relationship with a blue coloured spirit orb that I’d occasionally see blinking around me. According to Gabrielle Bernstein, this is Archangel Michael, but I later discovered it’s actually the entity consciousness of an African female nurse that answers many of these prayers and she actually turned up originally in person during admission to hospital in what seemed to be an effort to de-possess me from something causing my psychosis, but immediately after during this time at hospital my root chakra began burning and I experienced a really unpleasant heavy energy build-up, which prompted me to write an article about root chakra healing crisis.
Most of the earlier aggressive voices seemed to disappear but were soon replaced by a different kind of voice that kept saying “Let me test him” which was spoken in a sinister voice. I didn’t believe in a spirit entity called Satan, however, I was taking the voice seriously but did not know exactly what it meant by testing me and I assumed it meant temptation to things like money, physical possessions or material attachment. I couldn’t do much to get rid of this internal voice, which seemed to last for over a week or more and I spent a lot of time on diazepam and would fall asleep in front of my electric heater. Eventually, I seemed to build up the inner courage to use command statements invoking the name of Jesus Christ and this was the only thing that worked to end this particular voice. I purchased Mel Gibson’s Passion of the Christ and I paid special attention to the scene of Jesus stamping on the Serpent, something that may be used to pry into the evil of one’s life, used during Kundalini awakening for purification, in ancient Greek temples for healing and for sensual use in tantra. I even went as far as filling a wine glass with water which sat on top of my chest of draws that doubled up as an altar and place for burning candles and incense and contemplating what this spiritual alchemy might mean and I patiently watched it over a few weeks with the expectation that something might really happen, I also wrote a different blog post about an inner peace meditation.
For some time I had had a strong intuitive sense that my body was holding onto energy that was quite sickly or stagnant and I’d been doing whatever I could to try and get rid of it. Mainly I’d been seeking the help of a British Shaman living in Wales to remotely cleanse my energy and remove certain things, but this was becoming really expensive and I had by now been spending hundreds of pounds that I couldn’t afford to maintain. My Summer was essentially ruined and I spent many hours sitting in the garden spitting or attempting to make myself sick in order to get whatever this energy was out of me and when it rained and turned cold I merely moved indoors and kept a toilet roll nearby. My main tool, however, was inner body meditation and vibrational raising which seemed to burn up certain internal energies and I’ve even seen Eckhart use this method. He has traditionally had a problem with unconscious judgement, anger and impatience which is how he knows about entities, but he doesn’t call them such, he focuses on the emotional pain body, but the reality is there are far more things inside the average person.
Meditation alone is very long work, so in one evening I went into the garden and I attempted something spontaneous based on a method that another spiritual seeker had written about in his book World of Archangels. I did my best to silence my mind and stop preoccupied thoughts of what to do next and simultaneously keep awareness on my internal body to channel energy and raise my vibration. I began to spread and fan my arms out wide like a flying eagle whilst inwardly doing a mental visualisation of myself having also grown wings and pictured myself flying directly upwards. After a period of time something unusual happened, I experienced what felt like flower petals opening in the middle of my best and out of here I perceived a stream of brown murky energy leaving my body, I was encouraged by this and carried on doing what I had been before, eventually, even more, bad energy was expelled from a lower chakra point in my abdomen the same way. Each time this brown streaky energy seemed to fly away and disappear into the ground as if it had a life-force of its own. After this evening, I felt incredibly peaceful, serene and contented and I believed I had now removed all the bad energy from my body and maybe all the time I had been spending prior had somehow paid off.
In addition to the lady in electric-blue light, I was also joined at times by another light that lit up a trial of white dazzling sparks every time it moved around me like a bonfire sparkler. I never spoke much openly about what I could see but most others can’t out of fear I would be accused of being schizophrenic. Initially, I didn’t even realise that these lights represented the consciousness of real people or spirit-guides as many others like to call them, but I could feel they were having an inner effect upon me through intuition and guidance. The white light eventually revealed himself to be Mark one of my spirit guides, someone whom I had seen a year earlier in my flat chasing off a succubus demon and then eventually met in a dream. When not on the physical Earth he teaches at a Chrisitan school and enjoys making wax candles, he actually quit being my spirit guide in a serious way after he could see how I was being treated, but I was fortunate enough to physically meet him one last time during my Foundation Psychosynthesis course where he somehow miraculously turned out to be one of the teachers at the institute.
By the time September had come around most of the black evil spirits and inner demonic beings that haunted my dreams had disappeared and when I closed my eyes to go to sleep I mainly perceived a soft radiating white light falling down on top of me. The presence of dark force entities remained, which is some sort of adversarial consciousness that represents dark polarised beings. At times they were literally coming at me out of the carpet and the wooden beams in the roof. I would see scatters of blue light blocking their path and occasionally it would be joined by other white entities doing something similar and occasionally the whole ceiling would light up in either blue or white. I took these black entities seriously because I had once had a large one attempt to burn a hole through my aura as I was sleeping that immediately sent me into shock causing soul loss and made me blackout for a short period of time. I spent a lot of the second half of the year meditating and doing yoga in what seemed an effort to ascend, which was unknown to me at first. After Mark quit I was assigned a different guide, and one evening someone walked with me in an inner journey through a country landscape and spoke to me “You’re about to find out why they call it the Kingdom of Heaven” alluding to many other worlds, spiritual realities and cultures we may one day access after the physical body dies and karmic lessons are learned and understood.
I was eventually introduced to a divine Christian God who spoke with a ‘light voice’, and he seemed to say something quite odd in the form of “The only way he can know what I want him to do is if he becomes me” which really confused me at first and could be taken as something quite grandiose if not properly;y understood, but I later concluded that this was a suggestion that his mind or consciousness needed to operate through my personality in order to see what I wanted to do, but all I really wanted was someone to say what course should I do or what career path should I take. He said int he form of an inner voice “I’m thinking of making him an archangel, he likes wings and he knows so much about the nature of reality”, although nothing more came of this, however, if you read more modern spiritual literature you may already understand that there are many beings whos spiritual consciousnesses have taken up various roles as different archangels, so it’s not as crazy as it might sound. He also laughed at one of my jokes about the imagining of my ascended-master self with six arms holding something like a photoshop colour palette and a guitar, which made the ceiling flash white with an audible sound of “Ha-ha”, and on a side note, when I see other spirit entities sniggering about what they’re observing us do, they also flash in whichever colour they hold, which also reveals to you when they’re around you.
I got on well with whom I perceived to be God up until the point I finally realised that everything that had been happening to me prior was seemingly under the control of him and so now he had the misfortune of my inner self blaming him for what had happened, not just the evil spirits, but the serious mental health complications I had developed. Soon after this towards December I ended up being caught in a spiritual trap of agreement and my inner-self was moved into a different God’s spiritual reality and I was again being plagued by different dark force entities, which I simply found overwhelming.
Our perspective of God is probably a bit simplistic, there are many beings that go by the name of God and there are many different realities and I was eventually introduced to the existence of higher worlds and I was shown a fly-through of an old-world similar to ancient Egypt and a modern world full of modern architecture, arcs and glass buildings, but there weren’t many sky-scrapers like we have. Someone explained our world was about learning, spiritual development and healing, which is the real reason we have so much sickness, illness and disease but when we align with divine spiritual principles and values most of this becomes redundant and we no longer experience anywhere near the same level of illness, much of which is caused by inner behaviours and bad choices which are rooted as much in our consciousness and the soul or inner being as it is experienced in the physical body.
One evening I had a particularly special dream that showed what my inner self was up to, up until now I had mainly been using a visualisation of light entering into a stone room with a pool that resembled a Roman bath as a form of ego purification ritual, however on this occasion I was taken to a very ordinary leisure centre swimming pool, two men held me under each arm and then pushed my head under the water where my crown chakra opened and I saw brown energy bleeding out into the water. This appeared to be a form of baptism, something I’d never had in life as I was never religious. I understood that this bad energy was a form of spiritual impurity that represented the consequences of the various bad choices, malevolence, misdeeds and misgivings of what we each do. Another evening some weeks on I had a different dream, I was in some sort of traditional old-style hillside stone building resembling a monastery, walking alongside someone who was guiding me on what to do next, I entered into a large room and was told to wait on a wooden bench until called, here I seemed to sign a piece of paper and when I woke up I understood that I had been able to change my spiritual archetype to one of a Mystic.
This year had revealed to me a lot about the risks that come with inner spiritual corruption, it’s connections to mental health, so much of this most people are completely oblivious to it as we may never physically experience certain events that may only place inwardly, where we are also simultaneously observed for our inner spiritual growth and development and which we only get glimpses of through feelings during the day, enquiring by mind with the right intention, or peering into this space through tuning our consciousness into its frequency range, but beyond this we ordinarily don’t get to see ourselves operating here. One of the most significant things was gaining the knowledge of being able to see people walking around who have spiritual afflictions, either of demon’s or affected by various sorts of ego energy or energetic impurities, which I will write about another time.
Ascension is about reaching into higher more qualitative levels of reality through spiritually evolving and I’m hoping to create some sort of teachings around this one day in the future. My expansion and insight into the wider reality also showed me why certain people can enter and exit our reality. Christian culture isn’t the most appealing, but their spiritual teachings are some of the most fundamental ones necessary to escape a life of suffering, disease and ego (some call it exiting the Matrix) and ascend into both higher physical and spiritual realities where there are less toxic human behaviours and since everybody is essentially seeking the energy and emotion of love, it teaches us how to get there.
I’m not exclusively a Christian mystic, I try to write and teach about spiritual development and spiritual evolution based on everything I’ve learned, I’ve never read the bible properly and whilst I’ve also encountered higher people from Buddhism and Hinduism, the prevailing message has always been one of humanity must spiritually evolve because people are making stupid mistakes resulting in karma, sometimes in ignorance, but often times out of greed or ill will, a lack of morality or through an underdeveloped understanding of emotions and emotional intelligence and divine laws that govern human beings.