This is my personal story which retells my experiences of going through ascension during the time I decided to become Christian and it loosely covers the periods between January 2017 up to about February 2018. Firstly, a little background information is required, so I was now into my seventh year of what was becoming a very long Kundalini Awakening and things had become so stressful living at my shared flat that I reluctantly decided to move back home with the intention of giving myself time and space to recover.
Wanting to change careers from web design and development I enrolled on a 10-week introductory counselling course here in Nottingham and I began to explore the idea of becoming a spiritual counsellor to help people with spiritual awakening and spiritual problems. At this time I was struggling to cope with strong inner impulses and emotions of hostile anger and bewildering I could not understand why as this was out of character for me. I’ve had spiritual psychosis episodes in the past which ranged from hearing sinister voices, lots of dream disturbances, instances of spiritual possession, out of body experiences and seeing scary-looking black spirit energies or strange serpent-like creatures swimming around my room and this left me feeling totally burned out because I could never sleep and I never felt particularly safe. It was during this period I first encountered and began to interact with Archangel Michael and at times Raphael and Gabriel denoted by their spiritual colours of azure blue and emerald green in the form of strange but beautiful light energies in the shape of Merkabah or stars. On very rare occasions a light would appear in the room and begin to materialise a human light body to be able to walk through the room and interact, sometimes I hid under the covers and eventually I became accustomed to angels walking through the room. I considered this time the height of my Kundalini awakening and I was going through something called an ego-death and what seemed like a very real dark night of the soul.
After I passed and concluded the counselling course I enrolled onto something called an Alpha course which is meant to introduce someone unfamiliar to Christianity into their local Christian community, we shared hot dinners with one another each week and debated a few simple questions and occasionally there was a speaker who spoke about their own experiences. The people were very welcoming and I appreciated not having to cook for myself; eventually, I began to attend one of the local churches. Sundays were about worshipping by singing songs that praised Jesus and certain people would occasionally speak about coming to terms with a drug or alcohol addiction and how through their faith it had transformed them. I enjoyed the singing for a while but it soon became too repetitive for me and I stopped going regularly.
Around this time I began to delve deeply into Christian esoteric spiritual philosophy, enlightenment, spiritual practice of divine worship and eventually ascension, which is what a lot of my current writings are about. I began to do my best to understand what various teachings meant such as forgiveness, karma, water into wine and do no harm. I learned that Christianity is a religious-spirituality intended in part to prevent spiritual corruption of the soul aspect, in the United Kingdom at least many are transfixed on the worship of Jesus and the idea that people can be forgiven for their sins, this sounds so simple on the face of it, but it was too simplistic for me and at times I believe this is somewhat misleading as it’s first necessary to ensure you’ve eliminated all serious source of sin and transgression that create negative karma. There is definitely truth in that through Jesus Christ one can be offered forgiveness and I had a very profound experience with him wrote about which I’ve written about here based on something that happened at the end of 2013, which I did not immediately understand the significance of who it was as I misunderstood them as perhaps being the Archangel Michael, some years later I realised who it really was. The sort of forgiveness being offered from this encounter was not intended for minor transgressions, but seemed reserved for serious offences of both the physical person and the inner soul, which is not something very many people seem to understand or yet fully appreciate until veils over reality are either lifted, seen through or penetrated, we experience our total self mostly from the perspective of the physical person, but we also have a totally separate inner life experienced as us through the soul which is connected in many ways to what we do and think about in mind, our psychic intentions, what we feel in energy and our emotions.
Despite being back home and once again living with my parents’ things weren’t getting any better, at first they become much worse, bad things always seemed to happen at night and I would frequently see black spirits surrounding my bed and some of these spiritual being would psychically transmit really lewd sexual imagery and telepathic conversation directly into my mind for my consciousness to hear and witness. Some things would make my energy surge in paranoia or make me feel sick depending on what I was seeing. One at least one occasion something black and incredibly sickly managed to brush against the energy of my aura like water lapping on a beach, others would merely fly around me in my room, especially when my spiritual experience began to unveil and overlap my physical reality. One actually spoke to me and said “There is a fight for the Earth, join us” and I heard an inner aspect of myself reply with “Fuck off darkness”.
I still had an extremely hard time sleeping and was suffering from mania, insomnia, low energy, poor sleep hygiene during the day and then later constantly being woken up to 7 times per night. I spent a lot of money on forms of spiritual protection including crystals, holy objects and I began sage smudging, incense burning, using essential oil mists and listening to meditation music in an effort to keep the energy in my room clear and evil spirits at bay. The most significant item to me was an Olive wood cross apparently made in Bethlehem that I bought from Amazon UK and a bronze statue of the Archangel Michael I purchased from a local craft centre. I started sleeping with the cross over me, mostly out of desperation to get the bad spirits to stay away from me and it made me feel safer.
I already knew about the phenomena of being ‘spiritually unconscious’ and having low self-awareness through reading the Power of Now and this was something I had been practising ever since 2009, I knew about the importance of reaching higher consciousness and eventually how achieving a higher vibration was necessary in order to ‘heal the ego’. I was fighting to claim my own self-awareness away from mental identifications with ego trauma and thought-forms being released from the body whilst also seemingly being manipulated through internal energies that produced psychic mental commands or statements in the form of vocalised thoughts that seemed to exert a very strong influence over some of my choices and actions until I had begun to become aware of them.
During this time I had built up a relationship with a blue coloured spirit orb that I’d occasionally see blinking around me and according to Gabrielle Bernstein, this was also Archangel Michael, but I later discovered it’s actually the entity consciousness of a Christian African woman that answers many of these prayers for help and this alludes to the fact many people’s problems with evil spirits can be correlated back to their inner soul behaviour and ego character. What I didn’t realise was she actually turned up during my admission to hospital in order to perform an exorcism on me in order to de-possess me from something causing my psychosis, immediately after drinking some water she gave me my root chakra began burning and very heavy energy came spiralling out of it which was painful and uncomfortable and later prompted a stay at a mental health ward where there were beds, as by this point it was the early hours of the morning and I was exhausted by my prior ‘escape’ from what felt at the time like controlling and possessed parents. Some of this experience prompted me to write an article about root chakra healing crisis and symptoms.
Most of the much earlier aggressive voices had disappeared but were eventually to be replaced by a new voice that kept saying “Let me test him” which was spoken in a sinister voice. I didn’t believe in a spirit entity called Satan, but my higher self eventually revealed this is who it was. I took the voice seriously but admit at the time I did not know exactly what it meant by ‘testing me’ and this is what scared me the most. I assumed it meant temptation to things like money, material possessions or attachment to physical things. I couldn’t do much to get rid of this internal voice, which seemed to last for over a week or more and I spent a lot of time being numbed by Diazepam and I would just fall asleep in front of my electric heater. Eventually, I seemed to build up the inner courage to use my own command statements invoking the name of Jesus Christ and this was the only thing that worked to get this particular voice to go away.
I purchased the movie Passion of the Christ and I paid special attention to the scene of Jesus stamping on the Serpent and what this meant. It is said that in Eden the serpent was the shrewdest of all the animals, and in it’s personified spiritual talking form it could easily look and pry into the evil of one’s own life or another person if asked. It’s appearance to humans also symbolises evil in Christian culture. During Kundalini awakenings a different type of energy serpent is used for spiritual purification and in the past, they appeared in ancient Greek temples for healing by addressing the underlying causes of sickness and disease by accessing the psychic energies afflicting of the body and found in the chakras.
At one point I even filled a wine glass with water and placed it on top of my chest of draws which also doubled up as my spiritual altar as a place for lighting candles, burning incense and praying. After many months later I concluded this isn’t about turning water into a bottle of vino rouge but it’s probable that it’s symbolic of something, however, I do admit that at first I patiently observed it over several weeks with the hope and expectation that it might actually turn into real rose wine, however, I plan to write more about this fascinating topic later.
For some time now I had had a strong intuitive sense that my body was holding onto unpleasant energy and sensations that were sickly or stagnant and I’d been doing whatever I could to try and get rid of them. For a number of years, I had been seeking the help of a British Shaman living in Wales who could remotely cleanse my energy and remove certain things by accessing the astral plane, but this was becoming really expensive over time as I had by now been spending hundreds of pounds and I couldn’t afford to maintain this. My Summer during 2017 was mostly ruined and I spent many hours sitting in the garden spitting or attempting to remove whatever this energy was. When it rained and became too cold during the Autumn I moved indoors and kept a toilet roll nearby. The main method I was using was an inner body meditation for raising vibration which lights up the inner body like a Buddhist monk eventually enabling you to dissolve lower energies and learn what their karmic causes were, eventually it enabled me to even begin ascending.
During one particularly memorable evening, I went into the garden and I spontaneously attempted a method I had read about in a book called World of Archangels. I did my best to silence my mind and stop any distracting preoccupied thoughts whilst simultaneously keeping awareness on my internal body to channel energy and raise my vibration like the meditation. I began to spread my arms out wide like an eagle in flight whilst inwardly doing an inner mental visualisation of myself having also grown wings and pictured myself flying directly upwards. After a period of time something really strange and unusual happened, I experienced what felt distinctly and unmistakably like flower petals opening in the middle of my chest and I perceived a stream of brown murky energy leaving my body, it was a bit scary but I was encouraged by this and carried on and eventually, even more, negative energy was expelled from a lower chakra point in my abdomen much the same way. Each time this brown murky energy seemed to fly away and disappear into the ground as if it had a life-force or intelligence it’s own. After this rather intense and taxing event, I felt incredibly peaceful, serene and contented inside and I believed that I must have removed all the bad energy from my body and all my effort had somehow paid off.
In addition to the lady in electric-blue light, I was also joined at times by another light that lit up like a dazzling trial of white stars every time it moved around me like a fireworks sparkler. I never spoke much openly about what I could see during this time out of fear I would be accused of being schizophrenic or merely hallucinating. Initially, I didn’t fully understand what these lights represented, but they’re actually the entity-consciousness of real people or at times spirit-guides or divine holy spirit as many others like to call them and I could feel they were having an inner effect upon me through mental intuition and guidance. The white light eventually revealed himself to be someone named Mark who was for a while one of my spirit guides, I first saw him chasing off a succubus demon a year earlier in my flat, then my soul seemed to meet him in a dream where I saw what he looked like, he actually quit being my spirit guide in a serious way after he could see how I was being treated but the blue lady stayed around. I was fortunate enough to meet him in the flesh when he miraculously turned out to be one of the teachers at the institute of Psycho-synthesis. He teaches at a Christian school found only in spirit and enjoys making wax candles was about as much as he would share with me, his later disappearance from the school I can only assume would be explained away by sudden illness or retirement as he’s definitely not there anymore as he later asked me in a dream “Can I return now?” and I’ve not seen or heard from him since.
By the time September had come around most of the black evil spirits and demonic beings that haunted me and my dreams had disappeared and when I closed my eyes to go to sleep I mainly perceived a soft radiating white light falling down on top of me.
The presence of strange dark-force entities remained, which is some sort of adversarial consciousness that represents dark polarised people and spiritual beings. At times they were literally coming at me out of the carpet and I would see them against the wooden beams in the ceiling. When this happened I would see scatters of blue light blocking their path and occasionally it would be joined by other white entities doing something similar and occasionally the whole ceiling would light up in either blue or white. I took these black entities seriously because once before I had a large one attempt to burn a hole through my aura as I was just waking up and this sent me into shock causing soul loss and made me blackout for a short period of time. I spent a lot of the second half of the year meditating and doing yoga in what appeared to be having a natural effect of causing me to ascend into higher vibrations, which was unknown to me at first. After Mark had quit being my guide I was someone else came around me, as he walked with me in some sort of inner journey through a country landscape he spoke to me “You’re about to find out why they call it the Kingdom of Heaven” which now on reflection seems to allude to many other worlds, spiritual realities, people and earth cultures that we’re only likely to be able to access after the physical body dies and spiritual karmic lessons are learned and understood so we don’t mess up their worlds.
I was eventually introduced to one of what I eventually learned were many divine Gods and he spoke with a ‘light’ voice that imitates what spiritual light would sound like, he laughed at one of my thoughts depicting what my own ascended god-self with six arms would hold in each hand, something like a Photoshop colour palette and maybe a guitar, and the ceiling of the bathroom flashed white with an audible androgynous “Ha-ha” sound.
Around August 2017 I was shown a fly-through of both an old-world Earth similar to ancient Egypt and a modern world full of low-rise modern glass and steel architecture such as stations and centres of activity full of sweeping steel arcs, there were not many vertical sky-scrapers in this scene to my surprise like we have, but I speculate they might still exist wherever this place was depicting. A healing guide later explained to me our world was predominantly about learning, spiritual development and healing and that others aren’t permitted to move to better earth without completing Ascension. Creating karma is the true reason we have so much sickness, illness and disease but when we begin to align with divine principles and spiritual expectations much of this suffering becomes redundant, the disease begins to recede and we no longer experience anywhere near the same level of illness, much of which is caused by inner behaviours and bad choices which are rooted in ego, low consciousness, misdirected mental intentions and the unhealed soul or inner being as it is experiencing life in the physical body.
I got on well with God up until the point I eventually realised that everything that had been happening to me prior was seemingly under his dominion and control and now he had the misfortune of my contempt as the soul level what had happened to me—not just the ‘evil spirits’, but the serious mental health complications and the inner dream disturbances and karmic dreams derived from this period.
At the very end of the year, someone on Christmas day either removed a veil or had somehow managed to manifest the apparition of a cat for me, which appeared made from blue light and it briefly played with one of the charcoal air fresher bags hanging off one of my desk drawers. The night before I witnessed a dream of seeing what looked like a bipedal ‘blue dragon’ of sorts standing on top of a flat-topped Aztec pyramid and this expanded my mind hugely in a short space of time.
One evening I had a particularly special dream symbolising an inner baptism, it showed what my inner self was doing and up until now I had mainly been using a visualisation of light entering into a stone room with a pool of water that resembled a Roman bath as a form of ego purification method, however, on this occasion, I was taken to a very ordinary-looking leisure centre swimming pool, held under each arm by two men, one of whom then pushed my head under the water where my crown chakra opened and I saw brown energy bleeding out into the water. This appeared to be a form of baptism, not something I’ve ever received from a church as I was not brought up religious. I understood that this bad energy was a form of spiritual impurity and that it represented the consequences of the various bad choices, harmful or malevolent thoughts, actions, misdeeds and misgivings that we each do.
Another evening some weeks on I inwardly observed myself in some sort of traditional old-styled wood and stone building on a hilltop that was resembling a monastery, I was walking alongside someone in this corridor and he was explaining to me what was in the main room up ahead. The corridor leads to a door which opened into a large hall and I was told to sit and wait on a wooden bench until my name was called, once called I seemed to sign a piece of paper and when I woke up I felt in a very good mood and I understood that my spiritual archetype had become a Mystic and this is partly why I now offer teachings on ascension, spiritual-evolution and subtle energies used for in healing, tantra and soul purification.
The last 5 years had revealed a lot to me about the risks of inner spiritual corruption of one’s consciousness and potential for soul-corruption of your inseparable conscious inner being and more specifically it’s connections to our limited understanding of “mental health”, much of which people are completely oblivious to it as we may never physically experience certain events that may only take place inwardly, however, they include harmful things we do as well as being used to simultaneously observe us for our level of spiritual growth and development, something we only get glimpses of through feelings during the day, moments of spiritual-realisation and epiphany and by enquiring in mind with the right intention we may peel back and peer into this space by tuning our consciousness into its frequency range, but beyond this, we ordinarily don’t get to see ourselves operating here. One of the most significant things I learned is that people are genuinely afflicted by many different sorts of demon’s or influenced by ego energy or energetic impurities, which cause both certain diseases and mental distress.
I learned that Ascension is really about reaching into higher more qualitative levels of reality through spiritually evolving oneself. My expansion and insight into the wider reality also showed me why certain people and beings such as angels can enter and exit our reality. Christian culture isn’t the most appealing for everybody but their spiritual teachings are some of the most basic fundamental and necessary ones to learn and obey in order to escape a life of suffering, disease and ego (some people call Ascension ‘exiting the Matrix’) and this allows one to ascend into higher physical and spiritual realities simultaneously, a place where there are less toxic human behaviours and since everybody is essentially seeking to experience more of the energy and emotion of love, these spiritual teachings are what enables someone to get there. The reason many of these evil-spirits were around me was apparently a combination of soul and consciousness level conditioned lust and sexual perversion and family feuding on a serious level, and this is what the dream testing and challenges were all about.
I’m a mystic influenced by Christianity and I write and teach about evolution, spiritual development, subtle energy associated with tantra and religious ecstasy based on everything I’ve learned so far. I’ve never actually read the bible properly and I’ve also encountered higher people from Buddhism and Hinduism so I won’t ignore other spiritual tradition, the prevailing message has always been one of “humanity must spiritually evolve” because people are making really simple and stupid mistakes resulting in karma and disease, often this is in ignorance, but often it’s because people have no awareness of God, have never experienced love beyond being a baby or young child and don’t believe in or understand karma.
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